Continued...

*Add after we find out my aunt's boobs are fake:

They were just staring back at me. Why hadn't I ever noticed it before? Clinging tightly to her semi-pale skin and fifty-five year-old body, they were as obvious as it gets. Maybe it was because I was seeing my aunt through Jess' eyes as well, noticing and observing her for the first time also. I wasn't looking at my aunt in the same familiar way I always had, since the days I splashed the ice cold cup of water across her chest as she sunbathed. 

--------------------

I don't think I felt as embarrassed as I should have in that moment. Probably because I knew Jess well enough to know she wouldn't judge me on it. After all, I had warned her. My Aunt Nancie had always been one to push the envelope when meeting new people, and push the limits of what was appropriate after she had a few drinks.

When we all went inside for cake, it was par for the (family birthday party) course: Light the candles, sing happy birthday, blow them out...and listen to the Nancie become the center of attention.

"Sit down," my Aunt Steffie scalded.

Nancie laughed and ducked into the kitchen, sending me the 'oh boy' look while finishing her glass of wine. 

She came up to me in while Jess was in the bathroom, "That wasn't inappropriate right? You know me?"

A glaring 'yes' came to my mind but it didn't come out. I leaned into the corner of the kitchen counter tops, I didn't know what to say. In almost any case imaginable that was the wrong thing to start with. Young nephew, new girlfriend: lets ask them if they've been having sex. It's even more awkward when you know the answer is no. 

"If it was anyone else," I started, knowing I was diffusing a potential situation. "It would probably not be right, but I know you and know what you meant."

No I didn't, I didn't even know what I meant by that. The situation was awkward enough and my comment ended their.

"Oh good, " Nancie beamed, turning to Darlene, "Told you. You don't get it."

My Aunt Darlene looked down with an unwavering expression of disbelief. She was right and she knew it. Everyone who heard Nancie's comment knew it--except of course for Nancie. 

Later on my Aunt Darlene went up to Jess and attempted to salvage what she could of Jess' first encounter with the family, "I can't believe she said that Jess, we're not all like that, I promise." 

"It's okay, " Jess smiled. "Really."